I found out yesterday that I misread an e-mail from my OR scheduler. We had originally been talking about a Sept 6 surgery date that I refused to do and then immediately she wrote back and said we have an 8/3/12 opening. I read that as a Sept 3 surgery and I blame nursing school for my misinterpretation. My worn out brain can't function like it used to anymore.
Yesterday I received another email saying we are going to schedule to turn on your implant on Sept 4. That made no sense to me because you have to wait 4-6 weeks to turn it on. Then I wrote back and ask her to clarify all the dates scheduled. That's when I realized it was August 3rd, not September 3rd. That makes a world of a difference.
I'm excited, but I'm not at the same time. I'm excited to see what I can get out of this implant, but I'm not excited to have to learn every single sound I've ever heard all over again. I'm afraid I'm not going to like it.
I had it in my mind that I was going to spend the next month listening to all the songs I enjoy one last time, going home and spending time with my family and friends and listen to their voices one last time. I know that when I get this implant, my world will never sound the same. The voices I grew up listening to will sound like a complete stranger, even my own. It will take a couple years for me not to realize it anymore, but I wish it was immediate.
So while I need this surgery to get better outcomes, I'm still hesitant to let go. I get 6 days to say goodbye and then I enter a month of silence. I will try to make the best of it and be thankful that there is something that can potentially give me more hearing than I've ever heard in my life.
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