It's been a little while since I've written.... 3rd semester of nursing school has been a bit rough. Sleep is the number one thing I'm lacking and my immune system is not exactly in tune.
My brand new implant stopped working after 4 days of being turned on....Ridiculous..... it's the kind of thing that would only happen to a Murphy. I waited another 4 days to get a loan implant processor while my doctor works on programming the extra one that I have. It's been a set back for me. I feel like the new programs that I've been given are not the best as far as sound quality compared to how it sounded a week before.Everything sounds like it's from a distance, underwater, a broken record, and more computerized.....that is what I was originally expecting. I want my old programs back...twitchy and all.
I feel like I've been a little more down lately now that I'm able to hear again. It's not that I don't want to hear, but I'm reminded of how much I'm missing. I'm back to being stuck being two worlds and sometimes I just want to be out of it, even just for an hour. I think maybe I was expecting a whole new world with this implant.... maybe I'd have the chance to start new and talk with people again in a new way. Be able to communicate with people the way I've always wished that I could. The things I've struggled with my whole life... I don't think will ever change and that's what I'm waiting for. I'm waiting to see what this implant will make easier for me in my life. I'm waiting for my world to change. Right now, I think I'm still benefiting from my implant as much from it as I did with my hearing aid right before surgery. I still can't understand the noise I'm hearing, still can't talk on the phone, still can't drive through a drive thru (which has never been deaf friendly in the first place). I know it will take time to really get things settled and learn the things I'm hearing all the time. It's hard because it's distracting and annoying to listen to when I have no clue what it is. I tend to make up what I think I'm hearing so I can move on with my day.
I had a conversation with someone I admire today and now I'm inspired to write a book. I've been wanting to write a book for as long as I can remember but my grammar isn't exactly great so I never found the will to follow through with it. I started one a few years ago and lost all my work when my computer crashed. It wasn't long, but I didn't have much to say at that point so I decided to wait till I had more to share. Maybe after nursing school when my life is more "normal" I will find the time to write. I've already generated an idea to base it off of but it's a matter of putting pen to paper.....or more like fingers to a keyboard......Technology this days..... don't get me started.
Till next time....
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