The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From The Tree

Well I guess I can officially say the Apple doesn't fall far from the tree… 

I don't know why during my pregnancy one of my biggest worry was that Adelynn would have a hearing loss like me. It weighed on my mind forever. When she was born she passed her newborn screen with flying colors and I was relieved. I was relieved that she wouldn't have to struggle and to work extra hard at everything in life to get by. I knew in my mind that I wouldn't mind a deaf child because my parents paved the way for me and set the bar high. I would know exactly what I would do if that were the case…. 

Now I have a hard of hearing child… I would have never known in the beginning but it's become more  and more obvious now that she's getting older. She has some language which is great… but not near where she should be. Adelynn got her 4th hearing test today… it was finally confirmed that she does have a significant high frequency hearing loss. The last test was the first time she really cooperated and I honestly went into the appointment thinking she would be fine…that she's only being stubborn. I walked out in shock that it was really the opposite. I felt like I failed her for some reason….that I did something wrong…that I didn't see it before…that I should have done better. It tore me apart because I don't want her to struggle. I want her to know her place and I'm still trying to find mine. 

After the test this morning confirmed it, I wasn't sad anymore. I finally came to terms that things are going to be ok… because I turned out ok…thanks to my parents I know my next steps. I want Adelynn to be able to communicate orally, but also to know sign language because we live in an area where more of it is around and of course so she can feel like she belongs in both worlds. 

I have my little girl who's going to ride this crazy life with me…. as my Dad said to me… maybe she was given to me for a reason….because I already understand. She's not alone in this journey of hers.

Adelynn is going to get her ear molds made tomorrow for her first set of hearing aids. Honestly I can't wait to see what a world of a difference it makes for her… to hear her learn to speak clearly and to be able to express herself more …to have less frustrations and tantrums… and to hear what she hasn't heard before. I can't wait to watch her grow and flourish even more than she already has. 

I got your back Addie…. You are going to do great!

How did I get so lucky?

If you haven't already known, I decided to make a huge change to move back to New York in the middle of November. I've spent so long trying to figure out what the right decision is for Adelynn mainly and honestly I don't think I'll ever know. I hated being at a point where it was up to me to decide how her life was going to go….. was she going to grow up to be a Texas girl….was she going to be a New Yorker? Who will she grow up with…. who will be her friend? How will I know which place is better for her….would she have had a better life if she had gone down a different road? Will she hate me for making the wrong decision?


I never realized how much weighs on you as a mother….it's like all the sudden all your priorities change, but in a good way. I've been so blessed to have done all the things in life that I've wanted to do, I finished high school, went to Kilgore, became a DCC, finished college with 2 bachelor degrees and one in Nursing…. I've held 4 nursing jobs and was able to experience the job of my dreams. How did I get so lucky? All those amazing patients and coworkers that have changed my life…even if it was only in a small way…Just how did I get so lucky?

I left my dream job because living was more important than dying to do what I love. It was a lot more stressful on me than I ever anticipated but oh the memories of all those amazing moments are sure ones I'll never forget. It's very hard to be deaf nurse and hear everything you need to… especially when 2 lives are in your hands at once. I know that if I had an interpreter on the job like my first nursing job things would have been a lot easier. I remember spending the first few months wondering how I was ever going to survive being a labor and delivery nurse and I remember thinking I would do anything to have the chance. I met a Dr on the first day of being on the floor and he set me aside to discuss how this was going to work…. it wasn't that he didn't believe in me…but he was the only Doctor that I've ever worked with who legitimately cared about my success as a nurse and still to this day I always say that's what got me through.

I do miss labor and delivery but I think the stress of it all would have killed me in the end. I was able to have a last minute opportunity to be interviewed at a place when I came up for a visit in New York. My new job surely isn't as stressful and I have met so many amazing people, but it's different than working in the hospital. As of right now I'm enjoying the change in pace…but I have no idea what my future holds. All I know is that God has given me the opportunity to be a mother. One that I can work full time and support the both of us…one that would allow me to take her and pick her up from daycare and spend every weekend and holiday with her. One that would allow me to make dinner for her,  help her with her homework, put her to bed, go to her school events and watch her play sports. I know that I am giving Adelynn a better life because I get to be there. I don't really have anymore set goals for my future because I've pretty much accomplished everything I set my mind to do….. but now I get to focus on being a Mom. Not only am I going to spend this year loving Adelynn up even more than before….. I gotta work on loving me as well.

I wouldn't be where I am today without my family in Texas and my family in New York. I'm so thankful for my roommate for taking me back into her house and allowing me to give Addie a life that she needs. Even though we've got 5 dogs living in the house and it's always a zoo…. it's totally worth it.

As for my New York family…. I have never felt more at home. I get to be around my 3 sisters, 4 nieces and have an extra set of parents to keep me on my feet. Just how did I get so lucky?